ten things twenty
1.
2. Tell me Pablo, how do you make love to a cube?
-Modigliani on Picasso (supposedly)
3. The locals in (name of locality to which tourists flock) think its really quite funny when a foreigner tries to eat/drink (name of objectively delicious, culturally specific local foodstuff/beverage). Hilarity ensues when the tourist attempts to prove his/her cosmopolitan attitude by partaking in (foodstuff/beverage) with the locals. The people of (name of locality) are known for their humor, so it’s not uncommon for the tourist not to receive a warning as to the extremely spicy/bitter/salty/alcoholic nature of (foodstuff/beverage). Oh, brother, let me tell you - it is a laugh a minute. But the people of (name of locality) are also known for their hospitality and their warm, kindhearted nature, so it’s all in good fun. All in all, a trip to (locality) is not complete without at least a sampling of (foodstuff/beverage).
4. There was a time when I shut, locked, then double checked all the windows before going to bed. Although I live on the third floor of a security patrolled apartment building, I have seen a couple of muggings from my balcony and I have learned to never underestimate the resourcefulness and resolve of the hungry or the drug addled. Back then I strained for sleep in the still heat of my fortress, imagining a flock of bums clad in sophisticated climbing gear, repelling down my building and silently swinging through my bathroom window. Now I can smell the ocean when I lay in bed. I don’t know what made the difference. I’d like to think it’s linked to some sort of innate refusal to live in fear in my own community, but i think the shift might have happened for the same reason that I leave socks lying around the living room and loose my keys once a week.
5. a recent exchange with The Elderly, Whom I Love:
6.
Each of Checkers Cheese World's over 400 varieties of cheeses are carefully selected by our panel of experts. They attend cheese shows and seminars, research trends and visit countless local and international cheese makers to ensure that you have the best range of fine cheeses to choose from. And if you’re looking for a specific cheese but cannot find it, we’ll source it for you. With Checkers Cheese World, any time is cheese time!
8. Some of you might think that cage diving is glamorous, but it's not. Those of you who think this are probably actually thinking of cage dancing, which is completely different and, really, the fact that you would mingle the two in your mind says something shameful about you and where your mind is.
Cage diving is different. First of all, it hurts your neck, having to stay so close to the top of the cage like that in order to breathe. I should, actually, say that I did not cage dive, per se, but rather cage snorkeled since I am not dive certified. But, aside from being all mashed up at the top of the cage in order to suck air through a plastic tube, it's basically the same thing. Second of all, it's scary as all hell, and the sharks actually look much better from the boat. That's about it.
9.
2. Tell me Pablo, how do you make love to a cube?
-Modigliani on Picasso (supposedly)
3. The locals in (name of locality to which tourists flock) think its really quite funny when a foreigner tries to eat/drink (name of objectively delicious, culturally specific local foodstuff/beverage). Hilarity ensues when the tourist attempts to prove his/her cosmopolitan attitude by partaking in (foodstuff/beverage) with the locals. The people of (name of locality) are known for their humor, so it’s not uncommon for the tourist not to receive a warning as to the extremely spicy/bitter/salty/alcoholic nature of (foodstuff/beverage). Oh, brother, let me tell you - it is a laugh a minute. But the people of (name of locality) are also known for their hospitality and their warm, kindhearted nature, so it’s all in good fun. All in all, a trip to (locality) is not complete without at least a sampling of (foodstuff/beverage).
4. There was a time when I shut, locked, then double checked all the windows before going to bed. Although I live on the third floor of a security patrolled apartment building, I have seen a couple of muggings from my balcony and I have learned to never underestimate the resourcefulness and resolve of the hungry or the drug addled. Back then I strained for sleep in the still heat of my fortress, imagining a flock of bums clad in sophisticated climbing gear, repelling down my building and silently swinging through my bathroom window. Now I can smell the ocean when I lay in bed. I don’t know what made the difference. I’d like to think it’s linked to some sort of innate refusal to live in fear in my own community, but i think the shift might have happened for the same reason that I leave socks lying around the living room and loose my keys once a week.
5. a recent exchange with The Elderly, Whom I Love:
-Do you see lots of giraffes and things?
-I haven’t been out into the country yet, I’ve pretty much just been in the city so far.
-But have you seen any? Aren’t they just sort of walking around?
-Well it’s a pretty big city, so there aren’t many animals around...
-How do they keep them out? Did they build a fence or something?
-(sigh) Yes.
-(laughs) Must be a pretty big fence! I’d like to see that fence someday. You know, actually I was watching this thing on Oprah and she said they all just have the AIDS over there. Do they all just have the AIDS? The people, not the giraffes, I mean.
-Well, not everyone, but it is a prob...
-Is it because they’re all gay? Are they all just gay over there or what?
-Um, well. No. It’s more complicated than that.
-Well you stay away from them. You so much as hear a sneeze and you run the other way. Don’t even look them in the eye. The AIDS is the last thing you need right now.
-Yes, you’re probably right.
6.
My best friend from high school, Dan Forster, is amazing at drawing. He can look at something and represent it perfectly on paper. When we were sixteen we went on holiday to the South of France. At the beach he started to draw the view. ------- There is a very memorable scene in an Indiana Jones film. A skilled warrior wielding two huge gleaming swords swings them around in elaborate circles, threatening to kill Indiana. After this public display, Jones simply draws his gun, shoots him, and runs. ------ I could never compete with my friend at drawing, so I had to invent new rules. My solution (this was many years before I discovered Yoko Ono’s work): I drew two straight lines across the page, dividing it into thirds. I wrote ‘sky’ in the top part, ‘sea’ in the middle part and ‘sand’ in the bottom part: I realized in that instance that craft and skill can be overcome with an idea.7. Why would there be so many different cheeses if we weren’t supposed to eat them whenever we choose to? It was obviously meant for us to enjoy cheese from early in the morning until deep into the night. But where can you find all these cheeses in one place? Well, at Checkers and Checkers Hyper of course!
-Daniel Eatock
Each of Checkers Cheese World's over 400 varieties of cheeses are carefully selected by our panel of experts. They attend cheese shows and seminars, research trends and visit countless local and international cheese makers to ensure that you have the best range of fine cheeses to choose from. And if you’re looking for a specific cheese but cannot find it, we’ll source it for you. With Checkers Cheese World, any time is cheese time!
8. Some of you might think that cage diving is glamorous, but it's not. Those of you who think this are probably actually thinking of cage dancing, which is completely different and, really, the fact that you would mingle the two in your mind says something shameful about you and where your mind is.
Cage diving is different. First of all, it hurts your neck, having to stay so close to the top of the cage like that in order to breathe. I should, actually, say that I did not cage dive, per se, but rather cage snorkeled since I am not dive certified. But, aside from being all mashed up at the top of the cage in order to suck air through a plastic tube, it's basically the same thing. Second of all, it's scary as all hell, and the sharks actually look much better from the boat. That's about it.
9.
10. (thank you E.K.)
You are most welcome.
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tell your elderly friend not worry, because according to one exceedingly bright individual in our class: "AIDS is an ethnic thing." surely that will put their aged mind at rest...
(hamlett promptly encouraged us to contact provost borst in the president's office after this comment, and a few others, were made.)
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